How To Deal With Fear Of Judgement From Others

My finger hung there over the button.

All I had to do was push it.

But for some reason it was as if pushing it would be like pushing the big red self-destruct button that would cause my entire life to cave in and I would end up a complete outcast from society with no friends, no money and no life.

I still hung there thinking about everything.

“Press the button,” I kept silently screaming at myself.

“No, the world will end,” my own brain screamed back.

I kept thinking about how I had spent hours making this first video.

The video that WASN’T actually about my expertise, but that was about… ME. Me and my struggles and my thoughts and my story.

I’d put a lot of effort into it.

But I couldn’t send it out to the world of Facebook.

What if people think I’m stupid?

What if people think it’s not a ‘good enough’ story?

What if people might think I’m attention seeking?

What if people might think I’m wrong to feel the way I feel?

What if someone sees my post and thinks I’m a such a nerd that they come round my house, call me names and leave me with an atomic wedgie before taking my lunch money?

It’s pretty daft really when you think about it.

This whole fear of judgement thing.

But here’s the thing…

The fear isn’t that we will receive judgement.

(We’re being judged every single day of our lives).

The REAL fear is that we won’t get the judgement we wanted.

That we will be judged in a way that we don’t like.

Whether a judgement is positive or negative…. it’s still a fucking judgement!

SO WHAT THE HELL DO I DO WITH THIS INFO THEN?

Well, beginning to detach ourselves from the EXPECTATION that everyone will judge us positively in whatever we do is a big step forward.

But that still leaves us petrified of actually putting ‘the real us’ out there time after time.

So let’s go back to that finger hanging over the button.

Why couldn’t I press it?

Essentially because I didn’t want to be told I was ‘wrong’ to put it out there.

I think whatever the fear looks like on the outset, it all boils down in this case to not wanting to be told that you shouldn’t have done what you did end up doing.

“You shouldn’t have put that out there”

“This is wrong”

“You’re talking bollocks”

But when you think about it… what IS wrong?

Wrong is a judgement.

An actual act or thing itself cannot intrinsically BE wrong.

We as individuals pass a judgement on something and call it to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

And that judgement is a subjective opinion that is based on each individual’s past experiences, upbringing, values and beliefs.

So as long as what you put out there is what you GENUINELY believe to be true at the time…

You cannot BE wrong.

AND IT ALL COMES BACK TO YOUR INTENTION

My intention with the video I was hanging my finger over was to INSPIRE others and to CONNECT with people through vulnerability.

Whether someone judged my actual words to be complete and utter bollocks is irrelevant at the end of the day.

Because my intention was clear.

And my intent is far greater and more powerful than the actual content.

In fact, it’s a pretty awesome starting place to come from when it comes to creating your content.

(Your content being anything from a blog, a video or a simple conversation with someone).

So what do you do when your finger is hanging over that button (so to speak)?

Well, asking yourself…

1. Am I sure of what my INTENT is behind putting this out there?

2. Is what I’m about to put out there driven by this intent?

3. Do I GENUINELY believe this ‘thing’ to be true right now?

If you can answer ‘yes’ to all these, then you’re armed with pretty much all you need to bulletproof yourself from anyone judging you negatively when you do put it out.

So the prediction is ‘I put this out, and someone tells me I’m a dick and I don’t know what I’m talking about’.

What’s your response?

Well, let’s use my video as an example again and assume someone came out and said this after I posted it.

My response would have been…

“Cool. I’m sorry you feel that way. But my intent with this video was to simply try and connect in a more authentic way with the people here on my Facebook profile, and to possibly inspire others to get them through a similar situation.

“I genuinely believe what I said to be true and correct based on my own experiences and knowledge, but it’s your free will to disagree. I’m always open to learning some new stuff though if you’re up for possibly discussing in a calm and non-aggressive way.”

And that would be that.

If the person is cool, they would back down back to your level.

If not, they can fuck off and go shove something very large up themselves.

AND YOU CAN MOVE ON WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A COMPLETE AND UTTER TOOL FOR PUTTING THAT THING OUT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

The key is having a RESPONSE for the PREDICTION that you will get ‘attacked’ for saying what you believe to be true.

In all likelihood, you will not even need to use this response.

I didn’t have to.

But I know it’s there for pretty much all the stuff I say, do and act out.

And it enables me to move on and show up without all the worry and shit storms going on in my head.

Love, Laughter & Light,

Mike