I was once a complete cock!
And this post is going to tell you why.
But I want to start by asking a question…
Ever feel like you still haven’t figured out why you’re here yet?
Like you have something incredible to contribute to this world.
And it’s just around the next corner…
But you can never seem to get around that corner.
Sure, you may have done some impressive things.
Maybe even made some real impact with a business or in various people’s lives.
Yet there is still that niggling little piece of you that says…
“I want more!”
This post stems back to my own battle with unhappiness.
And how I overcame it.
Or at least am in the process of doing so!
You see, while in my old personal training business I constantly had that “I want more” feeling.
Now I’m not talking about money.
(Although there’s nothing wrong with wanting more moolah in your pocket!).
The business was profitable and growing.
And I loved seeing the clients I was working with transform their lives.
But I just woke up every morning feeling like I was on a path to a destination determined for me by somebody else.
I needed more purpose in my life.
And to be able to live and behave the way I felt was right deep down in my core.
In other words, I was living out of line with my core values.
How to Be A Cock
Don’t get me wrong…
At the time, I didn’t have a clue what my own core values were.
I mean, I had thought about them.
And even come up with values for my business… but not for me!
I was even teaching clients to discover and live by their core values, without doing it myself!
What a cock!
I gave myself the excuse that I was ‘too busy’ for doing it myself.
Which basically translates into…
I was distracting myself from my own unhappiness by creating ‘busy-ness’ in my life.
How to Find Your Passion
So I sat down and used the nine questions I used with clients in order to help discover your core values, find your passion and find your purpose.
I actually dedicated a good period of time to…
- Answering each question fully;
- Putting some real thought into every answer;
- Not allowing previous thoughts, feelings or external influences to dictate what each answer ‘should be’;
- And purposefully avoiding the ‘sensible’ or ‘logical’ answer if it didn’t feel like it really resonated with me.
And this is what I encourage you to do with these questions as well.
Q1. What is your dream and what does your ideal life look like?
Bit of a non-specific one to start.
Just begin to get the juices flowing.
What kind of life do you envisage in the future?
DO NOT allow other peoples’ opinions or ‘being sensible’ to hold you back.
Q2. What makes you feel good?
Take a look at your current life.
What activities or tasks make you feel good and energised? And what makes you feel tired, bored and sluggish?
What things could you do for an hour and it feel like five minutes?
For me, this was writing/blogging, connecting with people and having the freedom to create all kinds of stuff that can make a difference in peoples’ lives.
And this is exactly why I then decided to start this blog and launch the podcast.
Q3. What are you passionate about?
This is the thing or things that really get you fired up.
What gets your juices and emotions flowing?
I imagined myself on stage talking to hundreds of people, and asked myself…
“What subject would I be really fired up about and could I imagine myself using strong, emotive language and expressions with on stage?”
And the answer was health, wellness and happiness.
Q4. What kind of life gives you a deep sense of purpose?
This is completely subjective.
One person could get a real purpose from working a 9-5 and having a strong family life.
While another person may feel that’s not enough.
For me, I want to have the freedom of entrepreneurship, while bringing genuine value and making a difference in the lives of others.
Charity, travelling and exploring the world and what it has to offer is something that also gives me a deep sense of purpose.
Others, however, may feel sticking in one spot and becoming a rock in that local community is a purposeful life.
Q5. What kind of people do you want to live out these experiences with?
It’s essential the people you share your dream with are also on the same page.
If you’re a real ‘hippy’ at heart, it’s no good spending a lot of your time with straight-laced, big city lawyer types.
Similarly, you need to make sure your spouse and close friends are up for the life you have been defining so far.
I wanted to spend my time around open-minded people who were into self-development, health and weren’t going to ‘take the piss’ when you suggested doing something against the status-quo… but still didn’t take life too seriously and were also up for a beer and a laugh!
In my experience, entrepreneurs fit this description perfectly.
True entrepreneurs, I find, just want to live life the best it can possibly be lived.
And so I decided to surround myself with these kinds of people (people like you!).
Q6. Where in the world do you want to live out this experience?
Quite a simple question.
And one that most people have thought about at one time or another.
“Oh, I would love to live in…” is a pretty common phrase.
Yet few people actually make a commitment to get to that place.
Waking up to constant rain when you want to live in a tropical paradise or in a big city when you would rather be in the countryside is a sure fire way to trigger that inner uneasiness.
Or tying yourself to a location with a long term mortgage when you know travelling is something you would be happier doing.
I couldn’t come up with a location for me, and so my conclusion is that I need to travel more and experience more of the world in order to find the place I am happiest.
Q7. What are the working conditions like in your vision for this future?
We all need to ‘work’ in one form or another.
But if you’re trapped in an office when you would rather be outside, or always around people when you would rather work alone, then this is going to affect how happy you feel.
So really consider what kind of environment you want to work in.
For me, the thought of working via a laptop and an internet connection from anywhere in the world had always pulled on me.
Yet I didn’t want to work alone – so I created the podcast to ensure I could regularly talk to people who I genuinely wanted to spend time with and then put it out there as something I knew others would get value from.
Q8. What is your income level like?
It may seem slightly out of context to now talk about money.
But funding your lifestyle is essential.
Money cannot bring you happiness by itself.
But it can enable us to have experiences that do bring happiness.
And a lack of money can certainly bring about real unhappiness.
So define EXACTLY how much you need each month to live the kind of life you want to live.
This is completely subjective.
You may be utterly ecstatic to live a life that costs just £750 a month.
Or your dream life may cost £100,000 a month.
Define how much it costs, and develop the path to bring in that amount in order for you to live it.
Q9. So, what are your core values?
After asking myself all these questions, I simply collated all the information and put it together into a set of simple core values. I suggest having between 3-5.
I now base my decisions (or at least the ones that will have a lasting effect) on these core values.
They are kind of a ‘code of conduct’ for how to live your life.
Essentially, you are building your own set of ‘rules for life’.
And everything just seems to become a hell of a lot… clearer.
So, for anyone who is interested, here is what I came up with as my core values:
- Love (both to myself and to others)
- Laughter (normal laughter and laughter of the heart, or joy)
- Light (appreciating the darkness by celebrating the light and always showing the light)
I like using the one word or phrase style as it serves as just a reminder of certain things that sit deep within me and I know cause deep feelings of discontent if I move out of line of them.
But you can use whole sentences if that sits better with you.
Let me know how you found this post in the comments. What core values did you discover?